open eyes
consider getting up
close eyes
groan
get up
make breakfast
do dishes
put away milk
clean fridge
mop already clean kitchen floor
have a bath
get dressed
go for a walk (a healthy body is good for the mind)
come back
phone friends
look at old photographs
jot down two ideas for sermon
write old friends
have tea
water plants
open the book you are quoting from tomorrow
close book
make lunch
more dishes
out of milk – go to store
buy flowers
come home and arrange flowers
turn on computer
stare at blank screen
go to the bathroom
clean bathroom walls and floors
begin to feel guilty
phone friends to talk about guilt
write opening words
play piano
make more tea
transplant spider plant babies before their time
dust
daydream
write saccharine tripe
destroy saccharine tripe
write slightly less saccharine tripe
aim for “save”, hit “erase” wipe out the few bits of wisdom already coughed up
scream
4:00 tea time! Go to store for cookies
make more tea – drink in front of computer
pace
practice harp – play same song ten times
promise yourself it will never be like this again
get a brain storm – write one good paragraph
get depressed
self-flagellation
shower after flagellating
early dinner – why not eat with a friend?
chat with friend for 2 hours over dinner about nothing
beg friend to stay
what’s on TV?
panic attacks
why did I ever want to be a minister?
SIT DOWN AT THE COMPUTER
light a candle
make a confession
ask for absolution
ask God to write the sermon for you
ask the Spirit of Life to write the sermon for you.
go poaching for sermon chunks in other people’s work
go poaching for sermon chunks in your own work
phone to commiserate with other clergy friends around the continent who are also tearing their hair out about now (adjust for time zones)
bear down
practice your breathing
push!!
WRITE SERMON
deliver sermon
collapse
do it again next week
do it once a week till you die
move up one plane of existence
come back as a rock
enjoy life much more this time around.