I wrestled with whether or not to include a few of the many occasions I have presided over a memorial for our animal companions. I reject the idea that places humans at the centre of the universe, with “dominion” over all earth’s creatures, but I do understand that perhaps having a service for a cat or a dog across from words crafted for someone who died in suicide might seem inappropriate or insensitive.
In response all I can say is that for many people I know, their animal companions are their family, and for many others, how we treat our fellow living creatures says everything about who we are as human beings.
In my experience, for many children, the death of a beloved pet is their first brush with bereavement, so I have always said “Yes” when asked to officiate a funeral for a pet, from goldfish to horses. How you honour any life, however small, sets the tone for how you teach children about the importance of gentleness, respect and love amid the finite nature of life. You help them begin a lifelong journey of facing mortality and still loving with all our hearts.
The first service is for our beloved cat, Tom, who was my youngest daughter Gemma’s best friend.
Tom – The Sweetest Cat in the World
July 11, 1996 – February 20, 2015
Memorial Service
We come together as people who loved Tom-Cat
To lay him to rest in the earth, to say goodbye to his body
And to take his Spirit into our hearts in a new way
Although his life was long,
We would still have liked to have more time with him
We miss him so and are sad to say goodbye
But we know that that no-one lives forever,
That he lived a good long kitty life,
And was loved always.
We cannot be sad about that.
Tom was amazing the way he came back from illness time and time again
Put up with moving from here to there, only wanting to be together
And finally, settled down with us back in our home that he loved.
It is good to bury him here with Jenny in the backyard
Where he will always be close to us.
Now maybe he can play all he wants.
Maybe in kitty heaven it is Temptations
for breakfast, lunch and dinner every day
Maybe in kitty heaven you can actually catch a squirrel
Instead of having to sit, embarrassed
While they scold you from the tree above
Maybe in kitty heaven there are no trips to the vet, ever.
Just love and fun and lots of purring
Things to explore and smells to enjoy
And pretending you are a lion in the long grass today
And a cheetah or a tiger tomorrow.
This is what we wish for you, Tom.
Everything good, always.
Let’s pause for a minute to remember all the wonderful things about Tom.
Tom was a very shy cat all his life, but he seemed to really join the family when our children came into it. I remember how when Jiao Jiao first came home, he started coming into her room for story time every night. And he really loved Gemma and let her do anything to him! Even pick him up over and over again and make his paws brush her face gently in the morning. He loved our girls!
He never once scratched or bit anyone, even the children and grandchildren when they were little, who carried him around like a Raggedy Ann! All our friends had “met him,” loved him and given him treats.
Tom was a very determined boy and taught us the value of sticking to something and being ourselves. Whether it was a drawer he wanted into, a bidet for a kitty fountain or a treat, Tom had an amazing ability to focus on what he wanted and to wait patiently until he got it. He taught us to never give up!
Tom was a quiet cat and taught me that everyone has their own personality and we should respect who they are. He was loving but very shy and liked his alone time, too.
After the kids came along, he was very patient with two adopted toddlers who had been raised to be afraid of or avoid cats; he was very gentle and unbelievably tolerant of their clumsy efforts to get to know him, trust him and love him.
Even more incredibly, very late in life he greeted a new puppy with kindness, patience and forgiveness. He NEVER got mad or struck out at Biscuit, although he had lots of reason to, including getting bulldozed across the room many times because of HER jealousy! He seemed to know she was a little one and was always so gentle and forgiving with her!
Finally, he fought hard to stay with us as long as he could. He was so happy to be all together again at Homewood Suites and even made sure we were all back home in our own house before he could leave us. He endured a year and a half of upheaval with good grace and perseverance, helping us through a very difficult time in all our lives. He waited until we were all home again before he passed.
Would anyone else like to speak their thoughts, prayers, memories or wishes for Tom? (people share…)
Time to bury Tom’s body
Tom, you have been a very good cat. Now we give your body to the earth and scatter your ashes under the pussy willow tree where Jenny is buried, too. Next spring we will plant catnip and cat grass so maybe other cats will find some joy in the place where we remember you.
We will give you some Temptations for your journey and some catnip for fun, a few cat toys to play with in heaven.
We will plant and scatter flowers for beauty and in hopes that butterflies will come because you always liked to chase butterflies, even though you never caught them.
We will mark this spot with signs of our memories of you and your sister.
We Love You, Tom.
Now may we end this service, let go and remember you in love.
Tom’s sweet, gentle Spirit will always live in our hearts and memories
We will be reminded of him every time we see a kitten play
Or a pretty orange cat sitting in the sun
We know we will never see another cat
as good and sweet
as Tom and Jenny.
Tom was a very good cat.
There will never be another cat like him. .
We will miss him always
We will love him forever.
Amen.
The service below was for a horse that I and many others rode at a nearby farm and riding stable. Her death was a sad story. The owner of the stable had opened up her barn to youth in need in order to help them learn to take care of other creatures.
However, over time she noticed one young person was not treating the animals properly or gently; in fact there was cruelty involved. After several attempts to address the situation, she informed him that he could no longer participate in the program.
Some time later, she received a knock on her door late at night from the Police. “Are you missing a horse?” they wanted to know. She answered “No” but proceeded to the barn to discover that both Spoiler and her bridle and saddle were missing.
The police informed her that a horse had been hit by a car and killed nearby. It turned out it was Spoiler. They later discovered that the youth had taken her from the barn under cover of night, along with her saddle and bridle. Whether he was going for a “joy” ride or trying to steal her was unclear, but at some point he either fell off or set her loose. She was killed trying to cross the highway to get back home in the pitch dark.
Spoiler had been a champion dressage mare in her youth and was so careful with young riders that she became the “second” horse that beginners graduated to once they had achieved a certain level of competence. She was incredibly beloved by dozens of little girls who decorated her stall with photos and hand-drawn pictures and cards and wrote poems like “Hoofbeats in Heaven.”
We decided to do a funeral for her (particularly because of the sudden and tragic nature of her death) and for two other older horses who had recently passed to give the children a chance to express their grief and anger over her death.
A Service of Remembrance for Spoiler
We gather today on a sad occasion, to mark the death of a fellow creature and to give thanks for her life.
We have many emotions as we gather here together; We are sad, we are grieving, we are angry and uncomprehending at the senseless nature of her death. We human beings are no greater than any other creature on this planet, and yet we find ourselves on the lucky end of many animals’ trust and love. We care for them, and they too care for us. But they are dependent on us for their safety, care, health and strength. It is a terrible day when one of our number betrays this trust and injures or harms an innocent trusting animal. We cannot fathom how and why a person could do this.
But like any sudden or tragic death, we cannot let the circumstances surrounding her death take away from her life. And so we gather here to remember the spirit of Spoiler, and to say thank you for her life and the lessons she gave us. And she did give us lessons – in both senses of the word, for she gave many of us riding lessons, and, like all living creatures, had much to teach us about how to treat one another. Here are some of the lessons that she taught me; maybe you can add some of your own:
She taught me to be gentle and ask in the quietest, most courteous way possible.
She taught me that you can do many things well – be both a great school horse and great show horse – that the skills you learn in one place you can use everywhere in your life.
She taught me to be sensitive to others’ feelings and to remember than everyone has their little quirks.
She taught me the importance of being polite and saying please and thank you. Spoiler liked you to ask her correctly, and if you didn’t, she would let you know.
She taught me that you can have many different careers in your life, and that in each phase of your life, you should try your best.
She taught me to learn to read others by intuition – to use good horse sense on people as well.
Finally she taught me that no matter how much I think I know – about riding or life, there is always more to learn. She taught me to be a lifelong learner – just the way she was still learning new things since her arrival at Dreamcatcher.
What did she teach you in the time you knew her?
Children share their memories and thoughts and lessons from Spoiler…
Let us give thanks for the many lessons that she gave all of us…
Prayer
Let us join together in the spirit of thanksgiving and prayer.
Great Spirit,
The people say you took a handful of wind and created the horse
Hear now our prayer for our friend Spoiler who was so suddenly taken from us.
Be with her spirit so that it may run free the way horses are meant to run free
Release it from her earthly body and give her wings like Pegasus to fly
Make her to lie down in green pastures
Lead her beside the still waters
That her soul may be restored
Help us with our earthly grief, our anger, our loss
Be wit this community that we might help each other and support each other
And Kelly and all who knew and loved Spoiler the most
Help us heal over time so that this sadness we feel
Becomes good memories and gratefulness for her life.
And God of all creatures great and small,
We give thanks for having horses in our lives
For the privilege of their trust and love,
For the lessons that they teach us,
For their magnificent beauty and willing natures
May we be always worthy of their trust
Amen.
Readings
Sharing Time (participants may share their grief, thoughts, hopes and prayers)
Like most horses, Spoiler had a number of different lives, and she did her best in all of them. She was a fabulous Dressage horse in her day, and still retained the manners and training of a very fine show horse. She almost died the one time that she was in foal – and lost the baby – and so she never got to experience the fullness of mothering. But she accepted the next phase of her life and finally, came to Dreamcatcher where, I believe she ended her life in a place where she was happy, cherished, valued and got to work just the right amount – we should all be so lucky.
Kelly, I hope you know that any horse that ends up with you is a lucky horse; your love for horses shines through in everything you do, and there is no doubt in my mind that you gave her her last, best home. She ended her life knowing she was loved and valued – two things we all need to feel.
Let us pause for a minute of silence in memory of Spoiler…
Prayer
Dear God,
It is so hard to let go of someone that we love
Especially when we did not get a chance to say goodbye
Let this then be our Goodbye to Spoiler
Our thanksgiving for her life,
Our sadness at her death,
Our appreciation for all she gave us
And our pledge to always remember her.
Those we love do not die completely,
For they live on in the hearts of all who remember them.
Let us therefore pledge to remember her in all our days.
Amen.
We have decided to remember Spoiler, Johnny and RC in a memorial garden that we sill start today – although we may add more flowers over the weeks or months to come.
We will plant a plant called “Dark Star” in honour of Spoiler, because she was dark and had a pretty star. We will plant some pansies called Johnny jump-ups for Johnny and some lilies called Stargazer lilies for RC, because he too had a star. Let us proceed to the garden where the service will continue…
(Go to garden)
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust – we are of the earth and we return to it when we die. May this garden be a place where we can bring our grief, where we can come with sad feelings and feel some peace; where we can over time, remember the bright stars on foreheads and a jumping Johnny and be relieved of our sorrow…
Anyone who would like to help plant flowers in memory of our departed horse friends…
Garden is planted…
Let us pray…
Spirit of Life,
Make this garden grow
Watered with tears but planted with love
May our good memories of Spoiler and Johnny and RC live on
Go in Peace.
Amen.