We are here today to comfort one another, to remember, to grieve and to honour one who has lived and has graced us with their presence. And we are here today to comfort one another, to remember, to grieve and to honour one who has died and whose loss we feel more keenly than the cold winter air and the blowing of the snow.
As we gather to comfort one another, let us acknowledge that although every loving gesture is important, that there is still a grief that none can fully touch.
As we gather to remember, let us acknowledge that although we have memories of love and laughter and friendship and joy, that they cannot help but be tinged with shadows by the untimely and tragic nature of their death.
As we gather to grieve, let us acknowledge that grief cannot keep its hold on hearts that love forever, that it has a time, and that time is now, but healing too has a time, and the time for healing begins now.
As we gather to honour, let us acknowledge that although every heart here gathered, and some that are with us in spirit, holds a piece of the loving tapestry of a dear one’s life, that our time here today cannot tell the complete story of their life or death.
That although we share in each others’ lives, we do not live each others’ lives and none can say what balance of joy and sorrow, hope and despair lives inside another. Nor can we say all that needs to be said or go back and reclaim time in the hindsight of how precious we now know it is. We can only go forward from this moment with that knowledge held close to our hearts and give thanks for what has been.
When someone suffers and takes their own life, it is as if the pain that was contained within their soul is released, and scattered widely across the lives of all that knew and loved them. Even as we can say with certainty that they are suffering no more, we cannot say the same for each of us. Our questions, our “what-ifs” and “wish-I-hads” are an inevitable part of the process we must experience and they are the price we pay for the small comfort that the one we loved is no longer suffering
So take the doubts and regrets and let them be, let them find their way through the grief and loss eventually to a place where they stand alongside all that we DID do. The love given and received, the caring felt and appreciated, the friendship offered and returned, the comfort shared and reciprocated, the laughter, joy and hope that too was a part of this life and our relationship with the one we love.
These all stand on their own in time and space and were a huge part of what did sustain and offer strength during a more than two decade long struggle with the often fatal illness of depression. They are part of what gave them the courage to go on for so long, even under the weight of this devastating illness.
When death comes, like its trickster companion, depression, it tries to convince us that it has the final word. But it is SO wrong! Love has the final word. Love always has the final word.
May we gather today with the certain knowledge that although we did so much to comfort and help, we cannot walk in another’s shoes and say how much pain they must be asked to live with.
Each of us is precious and unique and we remain mysteries to each other and sometimes even to ourselves – and no-one can fully know what it is like to live inside another’s skin and feel what they feel, hurt where they hurt and struggle as they struggle. We honour that struggle today, even as we say it is not the sum total of a life.
And so we are here today to reclaim our dear one’s life from their death – to laugh as well as cry, to honour as well as grieve, to give thanks as well as express regrets, but most of all – to say that the world is a far better place because they were in it.
None of us can escape our mortal nature – and some wrestle with far more than others, but at the end – all any of us have is the love we shared and the legacy of caring we leave behind.
So let us gather to remember and to honour the Love that came to life as our friend. Although our grief is great, there is also much to remember and to celebrate.
Let us begin.
The Service
Closing Words
May their name be written on the Tree of Life.
May their memory grow to comfort and bless.
May the pain of their passing lessen each day.
May the gifts that were given be cherished.
May the love that was shared remain in our hearts
Now and forevermore.
So may it be.
Amen.